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The Struggle of Self Identity

The struggle to find me....

Coming from a family of musicians, I was always intrigued and excited about my music but never was I encouraged or had the opportunity to play an instrument or develop my artistic concepts seriously. Maybe it was for this reason while growing up I pushed myself to do what I could do best at that time – develop my vocal abilities.

However, somewhere along my path I developed an inferiority complex. It followed me throughout my artistic life, and negatively affected me. While living in New York, back in 1994, I had an opportunity to be part of a musical. I auditioned, they loved what I had to offer but then when the rehearsals began with each note I executed and every line I delivered I thought of myself as Whitney Houston. What a disaster it became! I never made it to the stage, what a flop I was. My Aunt Debbie kept asking me, “What happened to you? It was so good at the audition”. I had no answers but, deep down I knew what my issues were – wanting to be so much like the rest of them, I forgot who I was and the reason I passed the audition in the first place.

Over the years, I continued to have many painful experiences with the world of music primarily because of fear, not liking where I came from and feeling that what I had to offer was not good enough. I wanted to be everyone else except me, Hillary! But finally after so many years  of being pushed and pushing myself out of myself I’ve come to my center, I’ve found focus, I’ve accepted Hillary, I’ve found my FANGA!

Message to my readers:

You cannot change who you are or what you are meant to be.

You can enhance your life by changing bad habits to positive outcomes.

Do not be afraid to challenge your fears the results might be worth it.

You deserve better.

You can heal yourselves.

You too can find your FANGA!


About hsfanga

As a prolific vocalist I have spent many years crafting and developing my talent to reach my present point. Although I still have a long way to go I am truly grateful for the energies and blessings that the universe has poured into my life. And despite all the difficulties and challenges faced I am excited to share this journey with you....FANGA!


4 thoughts on “The Struggle of Self Identity

  1. The thing is Hillary we really are not encouraged to value who we are and the value of ourselves and what we have. That is still going on here you lucky you find the truth. In this mimic land so much we have and think so poor of ourselves the value system screwed up. godbless

    Posted by Rafael Robertson | December 8, 2010, 08:13
  2. Hillary, for years i have admired you, your strength, your courage, your persistence. I remembered saying your have a grrrrrreat voice and wondered how u used to execute those songs with your space teeth, lol. I know where u come from and where (you have) reached .Looking forward for Tuesday, Fanga!

    Posted by Dianne Saunders | December 8, 2010, 08:12
  3. Hillary ,i hear you loud and clear.For a long time i hated my voice because i didn’t sound like the singers that i liked.But through the encouragement and guidance of others ,i grew to accept it and love it because it’s me.I was singing at a club and after the show a lady came up to me with tears in her eyes and said to me that my voice eased her pain,since she had terminal cancer and less than a year to live and was forced to come out by her friends who were trying to cheer her up,she looked me straight in the eye and said she was ready to go.That night i did not sleep a wink,because that experience really brought it home for me that i do have something to offer that was valid and beautiful from creation….You stay up and keep moving forward…..FANGA!!!!!
    about an hour ago · Like · 1 person

    Posted by alvin roberts | December 7, 2010, 17:27


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Inspiring, reflective, stimulating are just some words to describe what HS FANGA blog is all about. Time to find that FANGA within you!

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