Strong, Intelligent, Talented, Brave, Magnanimous are just some of the words that come to mind when I think of this week’s FANGA Guest Writer. Andrea Yip Zidkilov is a talented designer whose friendship I happened to stumble into a little over a year ago and since then have shared a kindred spirit as lifelong friends. She’s the mother of two adorable 6 year old twin boys and this week we are blessed to partake in her wonderful journey of motherhood, one of the many hats she wears and oh does she wear it well….. so I do hope you enjoy and as always we look forward to reading your comments.
My son, Ari, is six years old and he has some “unusual” fears. He is scared of clowns which usually excites most children his age. But for Ari, when he sees a clown, his body shakes and he screams with tears gushing out from his eyes.
He is also horrified to be in a crowd – any function of loud music and huge trampoline in toy shapes is just not for him. And these combined fears stop him from stepping into any party. He misses almost all birthday parties because of his “unusual” fears.
As his mother I have tried to bring him closer to the party venue over the past four years. I tried taking him to every party knowing that his reaction would be the same. It is very frustrating but I was and am hoping that by taking him to every party he will get used to it one day…..
Some people after seeing the way he reacts say, “Let him stay outside and hear all the other kids’ laughter and then he will know that he is missing” or, “Don’t bring him his favorite food from the party, if he refused to go into the party room, he doesn’t deserve it!”
At first, I tried these tactics but it is heart-breaking to leave a scared child on his own because of his “unusual” fear. He is only six and I am his mother! How can you leave your child with a difficulty alone to let him face it on his own?
Today, we went to another birthday party. Ari’s reaction was as usual. And I decided to stay with him outside the party room, to hug him, to have a walk with him and to tell him everything is okay. After a while, we had this conversation:
Ari: Mommy, they think that I am not a good boy!
Ari: Because I am scared to go to the party!
Mommy: Did you know that when Mommy was little, I was scared of mouse! Does that make you think Mommy is a bad girl?
Ari looking into his Mommy’s eyes seriously (usually he avoids eye contact) says: No,
Mommy! You are not a bad girl!
Ari: Some people think it’s funny that I am scared of clowns and birthday parties!
Mommy: Do you think it’s funny that mommy was scared of a mouse!
Ari looking straight into his Mommy’s eyes again says: No, Mommy! It’s not funny!
Mommy: Ari, my son, it is okay to have fears! When you grow up some fears will go away and some fears stay with us for a longer time in our life and it is okay. We will learn how to make friends with our fears!
Ari: I love you Mommy! Thank you for staying with me!
That is a mother’s job! And no one has the right to label a boy or a girl with a “special” or “unusual” fear as NOT-A-GOOD boy/girl!
(Ari was diagnosed with Autistic, PDD NOS, when he was two-and-a-half-years old! He is six now and he is going to a regular kindergarten! He might have some unusual fears and difficulties, but he is definitely an intelligent and a grateful boy!)
I pray to God every day to give me the wisdom to guide this boy (a gift from God) to be a happy, successful and generous man, who will one day give his helping hands to people who need it. And I believe he will be.To learn more about Andrea and to see some of her classic designs please visit her website by clicking here